Metal Kittycats
ladylongface:

Nathans doodily-doo

ladylongface:

Nathans doodily-doo

Wants The Number Of The Devil

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRight.com!:

the-dead-man:

robotbutler:

“It’s that horrible dream. 
The only way for me to get girls is to.. ugh.. 
Go down on them.”

Going Downklok — Metalocalypse (4x09)

ASDFLKJSD;LFKJSDFLDSLJFK CHARLES I LOVE YOU.

Charles knows what the fucks up!

slaytanica:

Dethklok - Crush the Industry

cisles:

Hey guys I’d never thought I’d do this but I really need your help. In the pictures above is my best friend Ryan. Ryan has a semi-severe case of autism and he has severe epilepsy. Yesterday around 7pm he had an epileptic seizure in the pool and drowned. Luckily he’s alive but his condition is unstable. But this is where I need your help. His hospital bills are adding up so I created a paypal account for donations for his (single) mother to help with!! Please guys he’s my best friend and I need your help. If anything if you could at least just signal boost and reblog!! Even if you can only donate a few dollars thats fine. Anything helps. Ryan always says “every day is a new day” well help me find his. There is a donate button on my blog. Please help!! Thank you guys.

salaciathehalfman:

I thought this, too

salaciathehalfman:

I thought this, too

blammymatazz:

REBLOG TO WIN: A brand new iPod Shuffle of your choosing! Reblog until Sept/1/2014 at midnight, EST.

  • open to anyone, do not need to be following zazzymatazz
  • reblogs only, no likes
  • reblog as much as you’d like, but no giveaway blogs
  • must be able to provide mailing address
  • if a winner does not reply in 48 hours a new one will be crowned
  • the bigger this gets, the more prizes will be added!

I have under 200 followers so my goal with this giveaway is to get it out there! If this post ever reaches 500 reblogs I will add another prize, and then some!

»»»>DOUBLE YOUR CHANCES!

I’m offering to double your chances if we’re friends on FeaturePoints!

FeaturePoints is how I’ve made enough money online to pay for this. It is a mobile app which pays you for downloading free apps from their sponsors.  I was thrilled when I found this one, out of many scams on tumblr, as it’s the first time I’ve found an app that pays cash rewards to international users, and fast.

How it works: You download one of the apps, play it for at least one minute, and earn points which are traded for apps, rewards, or paypal dollars. Then delete or keep the apps after, it doesn’t matter!

Click HERE on any mobile device to sign up as my friend!

By using my referral code, I get points to put towards more prizes, and you’ll get a sign-up bonus too. This is why anyone who uses my referral code will get their reblog count doubled! That means your name will be in the hat twice for every reblog, and double your chances! Simply send me an ask to let me know.

Good luck!

Metalocalypse fans…

the-dead-man:

Just want to take a minute to say how much I love every single one of you, even if we’ve never spoken! We’re a small but powerful bunch and I’m happy to be included amongst you little goofball dildos! And I mean that in the most metal and brutal way, of course. >.> 💗